Here we go again

   It is certainly true that god is good and will give if you ask him but what he gives to you may not always be quite what you had in mind and what you had in mind may not always be as good for you as you think it is.

  Faith is not some thing that every one as or that every one understands. Usually faith is a blessing from god and comes through untold suffering, rejection, pain, being in a situation where there is nowhere else to turn but god, where all else is lost. Some people never find faith.

  Before we can be acccepted by god we have to come clean meaning we open up to him and tell him about our fears, our resentment, our hates, our hurt, we reckonize that he is more great and powerful than anything on earth.

  When i first met with god i had lost everything through no fault of my own i stood in a church whilst everyone sang and looked around thinking i dont belong here,"God if you dont give me a sign that you exist i will kill myself i have nothing left to live for".

  He did give me a sign a voice spoke to me telling me i was not useless as i thought i was. The voice was not like any human voice or anything superficial it was like thunder and i weakened i felt the blood drain from me and my face changing i felt happy and at peace all my troubles left me. The way i felt was wonderful. Then came the hard bit i knew if i told anyone they would not believe me. I felt after the glow that i had also a burdon unless i dared to share it.

 I went home happy but i told no one for months and when i finally told some Christians they scorned me which was not what i expected from  Christians but they were jealous because nothing like that had happened to them. So to them i was a nutter probably and i knew that was what to expect. 

 I stayed silent for a long time i was to wait ,and now maybe is the right time. I am not claiming to be different to any one else what happened to me could happen to any one as our time on earth closes in.  I neaither see myself as different or want to be treated any different but i suppose i am different my life from the time i was born was different from most.